Let’s Talk About Dating Apps

I’m no stranger to dating apps, for the past four years I’ve been on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid and Happn. Tinder and Bumble are the ones I’ve been on the most, OkCupid was interesting for about a month until all the creepy messages started irritating me and Happn only lasted a day on my phone. I find that Tinder has a lot of guys who just want to hookup and will 100% ghost you if you don’t put out. Bumble has less fuckboys than Tinder and more guys who actually want to date you. OkCupid is just a complete mess full of weird dudes and Happn is legitimately a stalking app. None of them are truly great and I’m still using them.

However, I’m still single and that could be because in 4 years of trying dating apps I’ve only gone on 5 dates and only one of those dates turned into a second date. So, what’s the problem, is it me or the apps? I’ve come to the realization that it is me because I get anxious and uncomfortable with the idea of meeting guys off dating apps. I overthink everything that could go wrong, if I look different in person or if the date is going to be super awkward. Yet, every once in a while, I’ll go on one in the effort to make myself think that I’m trying to ‘put myself out there’. But, even though I’ll go on dates, I still hate them because I never know what to except out of the date or how to be a normal human being and behave accordingly. I usually do my best to act outgoing during a date even if on the inside, I just want to go in bed, watch TV and pine over fictional characters.

Meeting new people in a sort of forced environment makes me feel awkward and I don’t understand how some people like it.  I don’t enjoy putting myself out there, is it because I’m scared of getting hurt? Probably, I mean I have a lot of issues when it comes to trusting guys (thanks dad!) and it’s getting so frustrating since I feel as if there’s something wrong with me. I feel like I should be meeting new people and socializing to make new friends or connections. But there’s something holding me back and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried giving them up, yet every time I get bored or one of my friends gets a boyfriend I re-download one. I’m also not great at talking to guys at bars, partly due to my social anxiety, and because I’m a bit weird looking (resting bitch face wooo). So, what do you guys think, should I try dating apps some more or delete them and try to meet someone organically?

xoxo,

-Mel

Real Talk: I’m Scared to Follow My Passion.

When I was 8 years old my mom decided to sign me up for a 2-week theatre summer camp. She did this because I was so shy and barely spoke in social situations. Well, I ended up loving it and since then acting has been my passion. Watching theatre plays, movies and TV shows have always solidified my dream to act. I’ve taken theatre and acting on camera classes for over 11 years and they’ve always filled me with hope. I love learning about theatre and meeting others who are also passionate about acting. But, as I grew older my self-esteem started to falter even though my dreams only got bigger. I kept taking theatre classes throughout high school yet my self-esteem was very low and it affected the way I acted. I was so sacred and anxious to act or to try because of how I’d look or how others would see me. Eventually, those insecurities became too much and when I moved away to Toronto for University – I stopped acting. At the time, I did have an agent (I got one when I was 15) but since my headshots hadn’t been updated for a while, I wasn’t getting any auditions. Of course, that stumped me for a bit and I found myself in a rut. So, I pushed it all down, pressed ‘pause’ on my dreams, and focused on my new life as a University student. Fast forward to three years later and I binged watch this TV show that sparked something inside of me. My dreams and my passion for acting have bubbled back up to a point that I can’t ignore it anymore. I have to get back on stage, It’s where I’ve always felt the most comfortable and gotten that sense of belonging. However, those insecurities that got me to stop acting are still there. They aren’t as intense as they used to be (thanks to my therapist!) but I still haven’t accepted myself fully. The thought of putting myself out there and letting others judge me so point-blank is absolutely terrifying. I know its a part of the acting world but it’s intimidating as hell. Which is why I’m scared to try again and let myself feel hopeful that my dreams could come true. But, if I don’t try I’ll regret it and that scares me just as much.

Some people might find this silly since acting is such a hard industry to succeed in but what if? What if I could make my dreams come true? And even if I don’t, which is a total possibility, why not let myself try. I feel like I should give myself the opportunity to try it again, even if it means I’ll have to work extremely hard to attempt to reach my goals. Yet there’s still that part of me that’s scared of rejection and wants to hide away to avoid that anxiety.

Have you guys ever dealt with struggling to handle your dreams? If yes, what did you do?

Let me know if you have advice for me or understand what I’m feeling!

Xoxo

-Mel

My New Makeup Products!

As you may be able to tell from the picture above, I recently got a bunch of new makeup! I’ve had the time to try them all on and figure out how I feel about them. Thankfully, I like all of the products but I do have some minor criticisms. So, let’s get started:

  1. NYX – HD Studio Photogenic Concealer in Green

If you have a lot of redness on your skin like I do, you might benefit from this product. Since I have rosacea, sometimes just a concealer or foundation isn’t enough to fully cover up the redness on my skin. This product will help correct redness, but only if you add a product on top (foundation or concealer). My only complaint is that the applicator doesn’t transfer enough product on my skin in one swipe so, I tend to go back into the tube to get more. Other than that, I do like it but might buy another green colour corrector when I run out of the NYX one.

  1. Smashbox – Camera Ready CC Cream

This is my first time buying a CC cream so I didn’t have any pre-set expectations. Personally, I like the consistency and the light coverage of the product. It feels pretty lightweight, which is exactly what I needed for overly hot summer days and music festivals. To help with my redness I add some light powder on in my problem areas. But, if you have clear skin you won’t need to add a foundation powder on top. Overall, I haven’t found anything that I dislike about this product.

  1. Smashbox – Studio Skin 24 Hour Waterproof Concealer

This is the first time that I’ve bought this concealer and its okay but I probably won’t re-purchase it. I like how the product applies and sits on my skin under my eyes and on my nose. But, the coverage isn’t good enough to cover up my acne or my acne scars. I haven’t tested if it truly is waterproof yet it hasn’t smudged or wiped off when I’ve been sweaty so I’m content with that. Basically, it’s not a bad product at all but it’s not the best concealer I’ve ever tried.

  1. DermaBlend – Loose Setting Powder

As someone who swears by the Laura Mercier Loose Setting Powder, I was a bit unsure to purchase this one. However, it’s proven to be quite effective and I really do like it. The powder doesn’t lighten my skin, applies easily, sits on my skin nicely and does a good job of locking in my foundation! However, I haven’t decided yet if I’ll be re-purchasing this powder or the Laura Mercier one.

  1. Benefit – Hoola Matte Bronzer and Dandelion Twinkle

I’ve had a Hoola bronzer since I was 15 (6 years ago!) and I decided that I should get a new one as the colour had changed due to it being so old. Just like the first time, I find this bronzer to be so great since it’s easily bendable and has great pigmentation. Now, the Dandelion Twinkle is a relatively new product from what I gathered. I absolutely love this highlight! It’s very pretty and natural, has no glitter chunks and it sits nicely on the skin. If you don’t like super intense highlighters then you should definitely try this one out.

  1. L’Oréal – Voluminous Lash Paradise Mascara

I am obsessed with this mascara. It’s a clear dupe for the Too Faced Better Than Sex mascara due to the applicator and the formula. I actually like the Lash Paradise mascara more than the Too Faced one, simply because it doesn’t clump my lashes as much as the Better Than Sex one. Plus, since it’s a drug store mascara, it’s not as pricey which is always great. I honestly don’t have any complaints so far for this mascara and I’m sure I’ll be re-purchasing it when its finished!

  1. Bite Beauty – Amuse Bouche Lipstick in Thistle

It’s no secret that the Bite Beauty lipsticks are fabulous. They’re creamy, pigmented and don’t wipe off easily. The colour I recently got is described as a ‘mauve infused taupe’. I bought this specific colour because I didn’t have a grey-ish mauve lippie in my collection. I’m truly glad about the choice I made and I can’t wait to buy more Bite Beauty products in the future!

  1. Lancôme – Matte Shaker High Pigment Liquid Lipstick in Pink Power

I really like the idea of the Matte Shakers and I love how the colour looks like in the bottle. However, I found the pigmentation to be too light for my liking. I’ll most likely buy a darker colour next time because I do like the texture and how easy the applicator is to use. If only it didn’t take me like 10 coats of this colour for my lips to look pinkier, this product would be such a summer favourite of mine.

Overall, I had some pretty good luck with these products which I’m very thankful for. Some of them I will be re-purchasing while some of them I won’t be. Out of all of them, my favourite one must be the Dandelion Twinkle because it’s so pretty and has the perfect amount of glow for my natural looks. If you have any questions about any of the products mentioned feel free to send me a message!

Xoxo,

– Mel

Colourpop Haul

One thing that you should know about me is that I love makeup. I love putting makeup on, I love the colours and the glow of makeup. But, I especially love affordable and good quality makeup. Colourpop is just one of those brands that I love so much. Recently, some of my friends and I decided to take advantage of a 20% off the whole site sale and we ordered a bunch of makeup. I ended up getting two lip products and four eyeshadows. For my lips, I got an Ultra Glossy Lip in Sookie and a Lippie Stix in Lumière. I’m completely in love with Lumière because the application is so smooth and easy. Plus, the colour is a dusty mauve pink that’s perfect for my lips and my skin tone. I’ve been wearing it every day since the shipment came in because it’s so nice for my work and for fun afterwards. Sookie is also a great colour but it’s a darker plum so I’ll most likely be wearing it more during the fall. I love the consistency of Colourpop’s Ultra Glossy Lip’s as it’s not annoyingly sticky or too sheer. For my eyes, I got four Super Shock Shadows; Get Lucky, Valley Girl, La La and So Quiche. My immediate go-to is Valley Girl, I put a bit on my lid and inner corner of my eye, some mascara and bam. Eyes are done. It’s a beautiful vanilla shade that has a very light gold sheen to it which adds a little sparkle. Get Lucky is a super glittery gold and very eye-catching. Although I own a lot of gold eyeshadows, none of them are quite like Get Lucky and I’m very excited to wear it with some of my darker eyeshadow looks. La La is also very glittery but has more of a coppery tone to it. Truthfully, I still need to play around with this shade to really get a better feel of the colour and what will work with it. So Quiche is another one of my favourites because the sparkles in this olive shadow are violet and gold which makes for such a beautiful colour on the eyes. So, my favourite items out of them all are; Lumière, Valley Girl and So Quiche. Overall, I’m really happy with my haul and I can’t wait to order from them again!

xoxo,

Mel

Current Shows I’m Obsessed with:

1.  The Originals (CW): if you like vampires/supernatural shows you should definitely watch it! TO is way better than The Vampire Diaries since it doesn’t have the whole High School clichés. The writing and music are both so good and the actors do a great job with their characters (plus they’re so nice to look at)

2.  GirlBoss (Netflix): Finally, another show with Britt Robertson! She’s so talented and does a great job portraying NastyGal’s founder Sophia Amoruso. Her character is very different than other female characters on tv. Sophia is unapologetically herself and I found it inspiring, even though she’s a bit of a garbage person.

3.  The Flash (CW): This is my most recent binge-watch victim and I’m so glad I started watching it again. The plot gets more intense with every season and Grant Gustin does a great job playing the super-cute superhero. The characters are so fun to watch and I love seeing what kind of superpower the metahumans on the show will have. Even if you don’t read comic books or know much about that world, The Flash is still a great show to watch.

4.  Jane the Virgin (CW): If you like romance, comedy, telenovelas and mystery then you should watch this show. Jane the Virgin has everything in it and it’s so addicting to watch. Gina Rodriguez is such a talented actress and does a fabulous job playing Jane. I’m not gonna lie though, they did lose me during a few episodes but (Spoilers ahead) now that Jane is back in the dating game I’m very intrigued to see who she’s going to date…and hopefully he’s h o t. Also, (more spoilers) who the hell killed Scott?? I mean he was a dick but I have no idea who the murderer is, Rose would be way too easy right?

5.  Supergirl (CW): Yep, another CW show. What can I say? They produce some good TV. I love Kara, she’s such a cute yet very strong character and her sister Alex (played by Lexi Grey -Rip- from Grey’s Anatomy) creates a great support system for Kara. One of my favourite new characters must be Mon-El, he’s cute and learns to be a better person with Kara’s help. You’ll recognize Mon-El from when the actor played Kai on The Vampire Diaries (the evil gemini witch). The dynamic of the show is well done and the music is also pretty good. But I have to say, one of my favourite things are when Supergirl and The Flash have crossovers, Barry and Kara are adorable friends.

Overall, I highly suggest that you watch at least one of these shows and get transported to another world to experience stories of the character’s lives. But, if you don’t want to fall in love with fictional characters then I understand. However, if you love being in a fictional world then definitely give these shows a chance!

xoxo

-Mel

New York, New York

This past weekend I had the opportunity to travel to New York city for one of my best friend’s birthday’s. It was 3 days packed with walking, eating and doing touristy activities. I have to admit, prior to visiting NYC it never occurred to me that I’d want to live or work there one day. I always saw myself as more of an L.A. person (cliché actor thoughts). But I have to say, New York has a piece of my heart now and I can’t wait until I get to visit again. The architecture and atmosphere of the city really got to me, everything seemed so different or cool. And the shopping, oh my god the stores were so fun to walk into, especially the smaller ‘hip’ stores that we don’t have in Ottawa or Toronto. Other than the crazy need to j-walk at every intersection, I found that New Yorkers aren’t as scary as I thought they’d be (no offense new yorkers). There was a sort of nonchalant-no cares in the world type of vibe, which is good seeing as you can do or wear pretty much anything there and there’s not as much judgement. Also, can I just say how much I love Shake Shack! I’s so disappointed that there isn’t one where I live like it breaks my heart every day that I can’t have Shake Shack. Oh and I’m glad to announce that I had my Blair Waldorf moment on the Met steps like the basic bitch that I am.

So, other than being a total tourist and taking pictures of literally everything that came into my eyesight, we had one interesting ‘going out’ night. Friday night consisted of us getting Shake Shack, wine at the liquor store and spending 4 hours getting ready and pre-drinking. We left our hotel to find a bar at around midnight! Which is crazy for us because usually we get to bars/clubs before 11pm to get in for free.  Anyways, after spending 40 minutes trying to find a fun bar near Times Square (not as easy as it may seem) we finally settled on the Iron Bar. They had some great early 2000’s music and very, very, strong drinks. So there we are drinking and singing along to the music when this random guy pops up and hands my friend’s sister a glass of champagne and says he’ll be at the table in front of ours if she wants to talk. Obviously, she didn’t drink it since he could’ve put something in it. It was kinda weird though as we’re used to guys talking to us then taking us to the bar to get a drink…that way we know there’s nothing sketchy in it. After that, this other random dude and his friends show up and order my friend a glass of wine (that she didn’t drink) and then they collect their shisha machine thing and plop it on our table and start to hang around us like what??? We don’t know you so please leave us alone thanksssss. I’d understand if we were being more responsive to them but we clearly were not into him or his friends. Especially after he kept trying to convince my friend to go to Korea town for karaoke. Like no sir, we do not know you, we’re from another country and thus we will not be following you to a part of a city that we know nothing about. I can totally see how that may come off as cold but I tend to be quite paranoid thanks to all the crime shows I’ve watched and following a stranger to a section of a city that has a high crime rate isn’t something that screams ‘safe’ to me. Then again, I’m sure people who are more adventurous would have gone and not found it weird but that’s not me. We ended just leaving and getting milkshakes at McDonalds because we are the picture of health and watching house hunters in our hotel. Quite the exciting bunch we are huh.

The next day was more walking around in SoHo and 5th avenue, which was super fun and made me cry a little bit at how expensive everything was. Then I almost cried again when I walked by the NBC studios, I was really hoping Colin Jost or another member of the SNL cast would be chilling out front. Obviously, there was no one there but it was still pretty cool to walk by it.

Overall, the trip was really fun and next time I go I’ll stay for a longer period of time to experience even more of New York

Xoxo

-Mel

About Me

Hi there! I’m Melissa Marie and this is my blog. I’m a university student in Canada and I love to write, act, attempt to be funny, listen to music and watch a lot of tv. But, I’m a work in progress so bear with me! If you happen to have advice for me I’d love to hear it so, feel free to send me a message.

To read my articles on HerCampus click here

xo

-Melissa