London Called and I Answered

Well…it’s been over a week since I made the big move from Canada to London. It really didn’t hit me until the first night when I laid in bed in my new flat. That’s when I realized how big of a life change it was to move to another country. Granted, moving to London has been something I’ve wanted to do since I was 15. Yet, the shock of actually moving hit me pretty hard. I was no longer dreaming about London, it was now a reality and that was so much scarier.

Now that the initial shock has worn off and I’ve settled into my flat, I feel much more at ease with my decision. My flatmates are super lovely and I know we’ll become close friends quickly. The area of London I live in is gorgeous, it’s right by the Thames river, a mall, a concert arena, grocery stores, a cinema and a quick walk to the Tube. I definitely got lucky with my flat – if you’d like a post on how I found a flat in London from abroad let me know!

So, London is absolutely amazing! Very different than home but so brilliant. It’s extremely vivacious, just full of life everywhere at all times. Oh, and I’m so happy I moved here now because London at Christmas time is truly amazing. The lights everywhere are like nothing I’ve seen before. It’s like Christmas exploded all over the city and I absolutely love it.

The few things that I’m still getting used too are the different products at the grocery store, some cultural differences, all things related to the Tube, the different clothing stores and ugh the driving on the left side of the road. I mean, I don’t drive but trying to figure out when I can cross the road without getting hit by a car is kinda difficult. Of course, these are all small things that I’ll get used to with time.

Other than that, I’m really enjoying my time in London. The weather is much nicer here than back home (sorry Ottawa but I’m glad I’m not dealing with the snow right now). There are still a few things I need to do, like setting up a UK bank account and getting my national insurance number (so I can work) but other than that everything is A-OK.

I’ll have a few more posts about London as time goes by but if there’s anything specific you guys would like to read – like how I got my Visa or cute spots in London to visit – then comment below to let me know!

Stay rosy,

xo

Melissa

Why I Haven’t Been Writing

Hey guys, like I said in my last post I’m going to address why I haven’t been writing on my blog these past few months. Basically, I have depression and typically I’m happy and don’t get the usual symptoms for more than 2-3 a month. However, during the wintertime I’m always a little more depressed. I’m not sure if it’s due to the cold or the lack of sun but it happens. This year I’ve been feeling very unmotivated and constantly tired. I knew once those symptoms persisted for more than 2 weeks that my depression was hitting me a little harder. Of course, I told my psychologist and she helped me through it. One of the things I decided to do was to focus on getting my schoolwork done and my weekly articles for HerCampus. I felt that pushing myself to write every week for this blog was just too much. I’m sure most of you have gone through something similar that can totally understand what it feels like to be so overwhelmed and have zero energy.

Thankfully, it’s finally starting to get warm and sunny outside. I’m feeling a thousand times better and happier. Even though my school is on strike right now, which is messing with my routine, I’m feeling a lot more energetic and ready to get back to writing! I have so many stories and makeup hauls waiting to tell you guys about and I’m so excited about it.

I hope you guys have an amazing week!

xo,
– Melissa

My 2018 Goals!

Can you believe the first 2 weeks of 2018 are already over? I’ve taken these 2 weeks to look back on the past year and to see which of my 2017 goals I accomplished and which ones I’ll be re-adding to my list. Every year I make a list on the notes app on my phone of things I want to do, accomplish or work on in the new year. I try not to look at the list until the end of the year so that whatever I checked off was because I wanted to do it and not because I pressured myself to complete a new year’s resolution. Most of the time I tend to forget some of the items I wrote down so it’s a bit of surprise to see what I can check off or what I didn’t do. The main reason why I do this is to see what I can accomplish when I set certain goals and how I grow within each year, oh and I love making lists. So, here are my main goals for 2018!

1. The typical ‘eat healthier’ goal.

For this year, I want to work on my eating habits, specifically my sugar and dairy intake. It’s a bit hard for me to eat super healthy right now as I am living in residence with access to a cafeteria for food (no kitchen access). Thankfully, I’ll be moving to an apartment with a kitchen in April. If anyone has any good and easy recipes for healthy meals please send them my way.

2. Graduate University by June 2019.

I was supposed to graduate this spring but I added a minor then switched my major & minor around which gave me an extra year of university to do. So now I’m majoring in Communications and minoring in Psychology. I’m hoping I’ll be graduating with honours in 2019 and to get all A’s.

3. Use an ‘exposure’ tactic for my anxiety.

I regularly go to therapy for my anxiety and self-esteem. My therapist is the best and she brought up the idea of exposure to help with my anxiety. Basically, this just means that I should expose myself to situations that flare up my anxiety the most to ways to handle my anxiety in uncomfortable situations and to get used to those situations (like parties, riding a crowded bus, large crowds, meeting new people etc.)

4. Write consistently.

This is a goal that I tried to accomplish in 2017. Last year I got a journal that I told myself I’d write in every day. I managed to do so for about 2 months then started writing in it less and less. Hopefully this year I can achieve my writing goal by posting more consistent posts on this blog.

5. Work on my sewing.

I used to love sewing back in high school but I stopped when I moved to Toronto for university. I’ve been wanting to get back into it and sew some skirts because I can never find what I want to wear at a store that’s not overly expensive. I’ve already gone to the fabric and got some beautiful fabrics to create a ‘circle’ or ‘skater’ skirt. I’ll post some pictures of the skirts once I finish sewing it!

So that’s it for some of my 2018 goals! I have a bunch more on my list but I wanted to talk about the 5 that I’m planning to work on the most. Hope everyone is having a great beginning to 2018 and comment your goals for this year down below.

xo,
-Melissa

What I got for Christmas 2017

I know this is a bit late but I finally got some time after dealing with a basement flood to sit down and write. This year my family and I celebrated Christmas at our cottage which was lovely. I always love coming home for the holidays, even though Ottawa is usually much colder than Toronto. Instead of writing about everything I received I decided to highlight my favourite gifts. So, here are some of my favourite gifts that I got this Christmas.

Kate Spade bag

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I’m so happy to have gotten the Cameron street Candace satchel in tusk from Kate Spade. I’m obsessed with this purse! It’s so pretty and has loads of space so I can carry around so many things. It’s definitely my new favourite purse.

Ann Taylor necklace

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My mother got me this adorable necklace from Ann Taylor. I love that it has little pieces inside the main pendant. She knows that I usually only wear gold jewelry so I love that she saw this and just knew I would like it and wear it often (which I have been). I didn’t own a low hanging pendant so this is a perfect addition to my small jewelry collection.

My 2018 planner and new journal

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I’m obsessed with how sparkly my 2018 planner is! I love getting yearly planners to write down what I have to do. Plus, it’s always a cute addition to my desk.

I also got a new journal with “Everything starts with a dream” quoted on it. I think the quote is so cute and totally applies to me because I’m always daydreaming and thinking up new ideas for stories. I decided to make this journal my ‘idea’ journal where I could brainstorm story ideas, character names, lyrics, T.V. show ideas etc…

Two books

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I absolutely love reading and escaping to a fictional world so it’s no surprise that I got some books. I’m so excited to put my reading socks on and wrapping myself up in a blanket to read my new books!

Skin care products

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I’ve been getting super into skincare products recently so that my dry and dull skin can be revived. First Aid Beauty is a brand that I’m hoping I’ll love all the products I got for Christmas. GlamGlow is another brand that I’ve been intrigued by lately so I was glad to get the Supermud clearing treatment mask. Hopefully these products will help my skin stay hydrated and bright during the winter.

Overall, I’m super happy and grateful for the gifts my family and friends got me. I couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas. Hope everyone else enjoyed their holidays!

Xo,
-Melissa

 

Let’s Talk About Dating Apps

I’m no stranger to dating apps, for the past four years I’ve been on Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid and Happn. Tinder and Bumble are the ones I’ve been on the most, OkCupid was interesting for about a month until all the creepy messages started irritating me and Happn only lasted a day on my phone. I find that Tinder has a lot of guys who just want to hookup and will 100% ghost you if you don’t put out. Bumble has less fuckboys than Tinder and more guys who actually want to date you. OkCupid is just a complete mess full of weird dudes and Happn is legitimately a stalking app. None of them are truly great and I’m still using them.

However, I’m still single and that could be because in 4 years of trying dating apps I’ve only gone on 5 dates and only one of those dates turned into a second date. So, what’s the problem, is it me or the apps? I’ve come to the realization that it is me because I get anxious and uncomfortable with the idea of meeting guys off dating apps. I overthink everything that could go wrong, if I look different in person or if the date is going to be super awkward. Yet, every once in a while, I’ll go on one in the effort to make myself think that I’m trying to ‘put myself out there’. But, even though I’ll go on dates, I still hate them because I never know what to except out of the date or how to be a normal human being and behave accordingly. I usually do my best to act outgoing during a date even if on the inside, I just want to go in bed, watch TV and pine over fictional characters.

Meeting new people in a sort of forced environment makes me feel awkward and I don’t understand how some people like it.  I don’t enjoy putting myself out there, is it because I’m scared of getting hurt? Probably, I mean I have a lot of issues when it comes to trusting guys (thanks dad!) and it’s getting so frustrating since I feel as if there’s something wrong with me. I feel like I should be meeting new people and socializing to make new friends or connections. But there’s something holding me back and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried giving them up, yet every time I get bored or one of my friends gets a boyfriend I re-download one. I’m also not great at talking to guys at bars, partly due to my social anxiety, and because I’m a bit weird looking (resting bitch face wooo). So, what do you guys think, should I try dating apps some more or delete them and try to meet someone organically?

xoxo,

-Mel

Help Me Make Decisions!!

Ok, I know this probably sounds weird but I need help with my life. I feel like I’ve been playing it safe and hiding out from the world for far too long. Although, I’ve gotten better since school (I actually go out and socialize now lol), I still need some change. The only problem is that I’m really bad at making decisions and I tend to just avoid them. So, I decided to take a note from a book I loved reading back in high school called My Life Undecided. In that book, the main character decides to create a blog where people can vote on her life so that she doesn’t make any bad decisions.

Which is where you guys come in!  Every week I’m going to have polls about something in my life that you guys can vote on. No matter what my feelings are towards the situation, I will do what the winning poll says. I need you guys to help me make my life more exciting and to keep me from shying away from any opportunities. I need to put myself out there more and I’m hoping you guys will help!

So here it goes. I’m moving back to Toronto next week for university and I have the option to go back to my greasy old job or try something new. I don’t really want to go back to the theatre (long hours of making food, ugh) but I also really need a job since I’m pretty broke right now. So what should I do, play it safe or risk it?

xoxo,

-Mel

Real Talk: I’m Scared to Follow My Passion.

When I was 8 years old my mom decided to sign me up for a 2-week theatre summer camp. She did this because I was so shy and barely spoke in social situations. Well, I ended up loving it and since then acting has been my passion. Watching theatre plays, movies and TV shows have always solidified my dream to act. I’ve taken theatre and acting on camera classes for over 11 years and they’ve always filled me with hope. I love learning about theatre and meeting others who are also passionate about acting. But, as I grew older my self-esteem started to falter even though my dreams only got bigger. I kept taking theatre classes throughout high school yet my self-esteem was very low and it affected the way I acted. I was so sacred and anxious to act or to try because of how I’d look or how others would see me. Eventually, those insecurities became too much and when I moved away to Toronto for University – I stopped acting. At the time, I did have an agent (I got one when I was 15) but since my headshots hadn’t been updated for a while, I wasn’t getting any auditions. Of course, that stumped me for a bit and I found myself in a rut. So, I pushed it all down, pressed ‘pause’ on my dreams, and focused on my new life as a University student. Fast forward to three years later and I binged watch this TV show that sparked something inside of me. My dreams and my passion for acting have bubbled back up to a point that I can’t ignore it anymore. I have to get back on stage, It’s where I’ve always felt the most comfortable and gotten that sense of belonging. However, those insecurities that got me to stop acting are still there. They aren’t as intense as they used to be (thanks to my therapist!) but I still haven’t accepted myself fully. The thought of putting myself out there and letting others judge me so point-blank is absolutely terrifying. I know its a part of the acting world but it’s intimidating as hell. Which is why I’m scared to try again and let myself feel hopeful that my dreams could come true. But, if I don’t try I’ll regret it and that scares me just as much.

Some people might find this silly since acting is such a hard industry to succeed in but what if? What if I could make my dreams come true? And even if I don’t, which is a total possibility, why not let myself try. I feel like I should give myself the opportunity to try it again, even if it means I’ll have to work extremely hard to attempt to reach my goals. Yet there’s still that part of me that’s scared of rejection and wants to hide away to avoid that anxiety.

Have you guys ever dealt with struggling to handle your dreams? If yes, what did you do?

Let me know if you have advice for me or understand what I’m feeling!

Xoxo

-Mel

New York, New York

This past weekend I had the opportunity to travel to New York city for one of my best friend’s birthday’s. It was 3 days packed with walking, eating and doing touristy activities. I have to admit, prior to visiting NYC it never occurred to me that I’d want to live or work there one day. I always saw myself as more of an L.A. person (cliché actor thoughts). But I have to say, New York has a piece of my heart now and I can’t wait until I get to visit again. The architecture and atmosphere of the city really got to me, everything seemed so different or cool. And the shopping, oh my god the stores were so fun to walk into, especially the smaller ‘hip’ stores that we don’t have in Ottawa or Toronto. Other than the crazy need to j-walk at every intersection, I found that New Yorkers aren’t as scary as I thought they’d be (no offense new yorkers). There was a sort of nonchalant-no cares in the world type of vibe, which is good seeing as you can do or wear pretty much anything there and there’s not as much judgement. Also, can I just say how much I love Shake Shack! I’s so disappointed that there isn’t one where I live like it breaks my heart every day that I can’t have Shake Shack. Oh and I’m glad to announce that I had my Blair Waldorf moment on the Met steps like the basic bitch that I am.

So, other than being a total tourist and taking pictures of literally everything that came into my eyesight, we had one interesting ‘going out’ night. Friday night consisted of us getting Shake Shack, wine at the liquor store and spending 4 hours getting ready and pre-drinking. We left our hotel to find a bar at around midnight! Which is crazy for us because usually we get to bars/clubs before 11pm to get in for free.  Anyways, after spending 40 minutes trying to find a fun bar near Times Square (not as easy as it may seem) we finally settled on the Iron Bar. They had some great early 2000’s music and very, very, strong drinks. So there we are drinking and singing along to the music when this random guy pops up and hands my friend’s sister a glass of champagne and says he’ll be at the table in front of ours if she wants to talk. Obviously, she didn’t drink it since he could’ve put something in it. It was kinda weird though as we’re used to guys talking to us then taking us to the bar to get a drink…that way we know there’s nothing sketchy in it. After that, this other random dude and his friends show up and order my friend a glass of wine (that she didn’t drink) and then they collect their shisha machine thing and plop it on our table and start to hang around us like what??? We don’t know you so please leave us alone thanksssss. I’d understand if we were being more responsive to them but we clearly were not into him or his friends. Especially after he kept trying to convince my friend to go to Korea town for karaoke. Like no sir, we do not know you, we’re from another country and thus we will not be following you to a part of a city that we know nothing about. I can totally see how that may come off as cold but I tend to be quite paranoid thanks to all the crime shows I’ve watched and following a stranger to a section of a city that has a high crime rate isn’t something that screams ‘safe’ to me. Then again, I’m sure people who are more adventurous would have gone and not found it weird but that’s not me. We ended just leaving and getting milkshakes at McDonalds because we are the picture of health and watching house hunters in our hotel. Quite the exciting bunch we are huh.

The next day was more walking around in SoHo and 5th avenue, which was super fun and made me cry a little bit at how expensive everything was. Then I almost cried again when I walked by the NBC studios, I was really hoping Colin Jost or another member of the SNL cast would be chilling out front. Obviously, there was no one there but it was still pretty cool to walk by it.

Overall, the trip was really fun and next time I go I’ll stay for a longer period of time to experience even more of New York

Xoxo

-Mel